Sigh

I have been doing a lot of thinking the last 2 days. It all started with a phone call. I was calling my Mother to find out how she cooked meat balls and it goes like this:

Brother in Law picks up the phone (BIL): Hello
Me: Hello, how are you
BIL: Good just watching the Superbowl
Me: Oh how nice... Is my Mother there?
BIL: Just a sec and I will check (puts the phone down) screams!!!! for my sister to pick up the phone. I guess she didnt get the phone in time so he continues to say GOD your stupid f*cking family is so stupid they cant even pick up a phone!!
Me: Silent (I am so pissed off that I cant think of anything to say except a nervous giggle)

This is not the first time he has acted like this and anytime I mention it he says he is just joking and why cant I take a joke. I dont know about you but this doesnt sound like a joke to me when he was as serious as a heart attach. There was NO laughing on his part there was no lightness in his voice just harshness. I have always felt that he feels that out family is beneith his and it is so far from the truth. I feel that my sister feels this way too sometimes. There was talk of them coming up here to visit for March break (when we were home at Christmas). Matt was so excited ... I told him not to get his hopes up because they never follow through or they find bigger and better plans. Now they are going to FL again with my brother in laws family OF COURSE!!! I know this might sounds really childish but I cant help the way I feel. I havent slept since saturday night because all I can think about is this and the fact that I miss my husband so much it hurts.

Sometimes I am so glad I dont live anywhere near my family anymore but then I think that is probably the reason they forget about me. They dont even call me. I always have to call them. When I need someone do you think I am going to pick up the phone and call NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I just feel so left out.

Anyways leave a comment on your opinion please... I need some major advice!!!

Doing good

So under 3 weeks to go and my hubby comes home. I am so excited and I find myself dreaming of his return. 7 weeks is way too long for a persons husband to be away.

Yesterday I went to the gym with a friend of mine. It was my first time at the gym here on base. I was impressed with the type of equipment they had. So I did a little of 30 minutes on the treadmill and my friend showed me around the restance training equipment. It was a great workout and my arms and legs were a little sore last night. LAST night was nothing today they hurt worse but its the good kind of hurt. After doing my 60 minutes on the treadmill today I can say that I am tired. I have cominited to every other day at the gym!! I am so happy and proud to say I have lost 15 pounds in 4 week!!! YEA me :)

Thats it thats all.... Have an awesome week everyone ;)

Another Week Closer

Hey everyone, I must say the last few days have flown by. Lets hope that keeps up :) I have been keeping myself pretty busy. For most of the day today I was out with a friend shopping. She is in the Army and said to me I really don't know how you do it. She said it must be so hard being left behind all the time. She is right it really is hard. It got me thinking... The hardest thing I have ever heard my husband say was that he was looking forward to going overseas. At first I was really hurt and upset about it. Thoughts were going though my head like yea must be nice how would you feel if I left you for 6 months. I know he would miss me loads but men handle things way different then women. I know he loves me and thinking about his comment now I understand. He wants to progress in the military and war is what he signed up for. He is an Infantry boy... God some days I still cannot believe that I fell head over heals in love with an infantry boy ;) So where ever we are posted to, whatever decisions he makes about his career I will be here supporting him all the way because I love him sooooo very much. The phone has become my new lover and I jump every time it rings hoping and praying it is him. I love you baby and I am the luckiest girl in the world. XOXOXOXOXOXO

Wishing away time

Sitting here tonight bored outta my mind... why??? Cuz my damn shows are not on hahaha sad I know but so true :)

So when I am bored I do a lot of thinking. It is funny that a person can think so much. I can pretty much think of anything but lately all that has been on my mind is how much I miss my husband. I miss everything about him. I miss the cuddles, the kisses, the hugs but mostly I just miss the company. It is nice to be on my own again. I have said it a lot but I have totally lost my Independence since Matt and I got together. He is my best friend and we do everything together but it is nice to know that I can still take care of myself. I can shovel the walk way, get a big ass jug of water (so freaking heavy) and take out the garbage :) It is funny it seems like he has been gone forever but I find the days go by quick, the nights go on forever. I was never use to him being home during the day. He was almost always home at night. I miss his arms around me, I miss him holding my face in his hands, I miss him saying I love you. I would do almost anything for a hug. Everyone told me that it gets easier as the time goes on some days it is ok but then I have nights like tonight.

I have heard it before that it takes a strong woman to be an Army Wife and I know I can do it. Our love is strong... this is the longest we have EVER been apart.

I always try to end on a positive note so I have done the treadmill everyday since Matt has been away. Tomorrow I increase to 50 minutes a day!! Yea me and I am down 10pounds :) I physically feel the best I have in years.

:) :) :) :) :) :)

A little of this and that

So a lot has happened since I last blogged. My hubby has been away training for 9 days now. WOW I cant believe how well I am handling things. I miss him a lot but since we have been together we did everything as a couple. So it has been good for me to have to do thing on my own again. I love having him around and us doing everything together but it is also nice to know that I can do it on my own.

The other day I was out shoveling snow and I turned around and there was the neighbor standing waiting for me to finish. I didn't hear him walk up or anything. He totally scared the crap out of me and I almost hit him in the head with the shovel. He was laughing so hard and I was as well after the shock of seeing someone behind me.

I have been working out on my treadmill everyday since my hubby has been gone. I have already lost 6 pounds!!! I started off with 20 minutes for 1 week and now I pushed it up another 10 minutes so now I am up to 30 minutes a day. Every week I will increase my time by 10 minutes until I reach 60 minutes a day. I have found the most amazing recipe for fruit smoothies and I am so addicted. Instead of craving chocolate I am craving smoothies. They are sooooooooooooooo yummy!!!! After I get up to 60 minutes of treadmill I am hoping to get into a spin class or step classes.

I have also started volunteering at the PMFRC and it is awesome. I am doing Admin work for the lady who runs the volunteer part of the program. I even remembered how to write a simple formula for Excel. It is so nice to get out of the house to help out with such an amazing program. I am also learning about all the PMFRC has to offer.

So yes I am counting down the days until my hubby is home. Here is what goes through my head:

6 more Grey's and PP and he will be home
3 more garbage days
Shortly after 2 more military pays he will be home
One more that time of the month and after that he will be home

I know there are more that I have thought of but my brain doesn't want to work right now :)

Happy Saturday everyone!!!!

Shopping

So hubby and I went to do some much needed grocery shopping with a stop at Walmart of course. I planned on picking up stuff for a special supper and eating by candlelight you know all romantic since he is leaving on Thursday. Well we ended up at Walmart too long and by the time we got home it was already 6ish. So I just cooked steak another one of hubby's favorites :) I will save the romantic dinner for tomorrow!

So I got home put all the groceries away and got the steak on went outside for a smoke and picked up the mail. In it was my first deployment mail (a DVD to watch). I put out my smoke came inside and threw it at the trash can. I was able to handle hubby coming home with his new uniforms his new kit and the big brown boxes. But for some reason as soon as I picked up the CD I was overcome with emotions. I had goosebumps and just started crying. Why is it the littlest things effect you so much. I took a moment to get myself together turned over the steak and picked up the CD. I guess it is a sign that I am not ready to watch it and I am not as strong as I thought. Not yet at least. So for now the CD is in the computer room where it will stay until I can get myself to watch it.

On a good not (well not really) I picked up new shovels at Walmart I guess they will become my best friends for the next 2 months LOL :)

One last thing... Matt I love you and I cannot live without you. You are the best husband and I thank God everyday that he brought you into my life :) XOXOXOXOXOXO

Happy New Year

Wow it is really hard to believe that another year is here. Every year we think about the past year and how and what we can do better in the new year. I would give anything for this year not to come. Even though 2009 was hard I had my husband here by my side. 2010 I have a lot of loneliness to look forward to. I really don't know if I am strong enough to get through this but time is not on my side and I will soon find out just how strong I am. Matt leaves this week until the end of February and then in April for 6-9 months. He isn't just going around the block either he is going to fight in a war. I am so proud but at the same time my heart breaks. It is so hard to put into words how I am feeling. As we celebrated the new year I had to leave and go away and I just cried. Please 2010 just go away Bring on 2011!!!!!

Enough about that... Matt and I went back to NB for Christmas this year. We had a great time. We suprised my nieces and nephew and they were so excited to see us. Last year I totally took for granted that I would always be with my family but this year it ment so much more!!!!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and wishing you all the best in 2010!! Please think of our soldiers and families who are already or on their way to Afghanstan!!