What is wrong with me???

M and I have been wanting to have a baby for awhile now. I was on the depo shot for a few years and went off of it over a year ago. I have not been able to get pregnant. I want a baby so bad and I worry that for some reason I am not going to be able to get pregnant. My doctor back home was about to refer me to a OB but then we got posted here to Petawawa. When we found out we were being posted and that M would be going on tour in 2010 we thought maybe we should wait until after he comes back. Then I got thinking... If we wait there will never be a right time. Come on we are dealing with the Military. If we wait until next year then something else will come up and then something else. So we talked about it. M said will in Feb of 2011 we are planning a trip to Cuba I am sure you don't want to be preggo for that... I don't wanna go to Cuba I want a baby. We talked about the pros and cons and there are more pros so we decided that once I get my Ontario Health card in the mail I would get referred to an OB here in Pet. It all hit me today because well I know I'm not preggo this month (if you know what I mean LOL). I just hate it that I dread this time of the month because every month I hope and pray and it just doesn't happen. I am 27 and only getting older. My doctor in NB told me that if I am going to have kids I should do it before I am 30 because of a blood condition that runs in my family. My hubby has a daughter who lives out west. He knows what it is like to be a Daddy....... When am I going to get a chance to be a Mommy?????

I think these feelings are made worse by the fact that my hubby is barley home with all the work up training. Also found out this morning that hubby will probably have to go to CA the first of December and will be home a few days before Christmas then have to go again in January for 3 weeks. So much on my mind........ I know I am not the only one going through all this but sometimes I just feel so alone!!!!

Tomorrow will be better :)