What is wrong with me???

M and I have been wanting to have a baby for awhile now. I was on the depo shot for a few years and went off of it over a year ago. I have not been able to get pregnant. I want a baby so bad and I worry that for some reason I am not going to be able to get pregnant. My doctor back home was about to refer me to a OB but then we got posted here to Petawawa. When we found out we were being posted and that M would be going on tour in 2010 we thought maybe we should wait until after he comes back. Then I got thinking... If we wait there will never be a right time. Come on we are dealing with the Military. If we wait until next year then something else will come up and then something else. So we talked about it. M said will in Feb of 2011 we are planning a trip to Cuba I am sure you don't want to be preggo for that... I don't wanna go to Cuba I want a baby. We talked about the pros and cons and there are more pros so we decided that once I get my Ontario Health card in the mail I would get referred to an OB here in Pet. It all hit me today because well I know I'm not preggo this month (if you know what I mean LOL). I just hate it that I dread this time of the month because every month I hope and pray and it just doesn't happen. I am 27 and only getting older. My doctor in NB told me that if I am going to have kids I should do it before I am 30 because of a blood condition that runs in my family. My hubby has a daughter who lives out west. He knows what it is like to be a Daddy....... When am I going to get a chance to be a Mommy?????

I think these feelings are made worse by the fact that my hubby is barley home with all the work up training. Also found out this morning that hubby will probably have to go to CA the first of December and will be home a few days before Christmas then have to go again in January for 3 weeks. So much on my mind........ I know I am not the only one going through all this but sometimes I just feel so alone!!!!

Tomorrow will be better :)

Home for the weekend

Well hubby came home last night for the weekend. I am so happy to have him around. He was saying how fast the week went by and I was thinking OK I wish I could say the same lol He told me that they have been advised that the tour will probably be extended for 9 months!!!! 9 months GOD I thought 6 was long enough........................................ Oh well I will put that in the back of my mind to worry about another day. Today I just want to be here with my husband and enjoy the time we do have!!!

Can I really do this???

As I sit here tonight I cannot help wondering... How the hell am I going to get through this next year????? I haven't seen Hubby in 2 nights now. That's not a lot but it is to me. I knew last night he was away but he was suppose to be home tonight. I hate it that I have no way to contact him. I haven't heard from him since yesterday. I don't know if he is coming home tonight or not. I guess when he does go overseas I will know that he wont be home but that doesn't give me much comfort.

I think I need a job... then I wont have so much time to think about all this stuff.

Long time

Wow... It sure has been a long time since I have written here. A lot has gone on the past few weeks. Hubby is working hard with his training. He is home some nights and not others. Tonight is one of those your on your own kinda nights. I miss him so much when he cannot come home. I am so sick so that makes me miss him even more. When I am sick I am a big wimp and he always knows how to make me feel better. Oh well chicken soup for one tonight :(

Hubby and I went home to NB for Thanksgiving. It was a total surprise for my family. It was so good to see them all. I have missed them so much. Mom was so happy she cried. I had so much to be Thankful for this year. My 6 year old niece didn't want us to leave so she asked if Matt could call his boss and tell him he has the Swine Flu so we could stay another night. I laughed so hard. You never know what Breanna is going to say. I love going home but it is so hard on the kids when its time to go, not to mention how hard it is for me to say good bye to them. Every time I see them I swear they have grown a foot!!!!!!

Well that's all for now I will write more when I am feeling better. For now I am going for a nap :)